Array Of Light and Hope
Around 15 years ago, when I was in secondary 2, I bought a game called Diablo 2. In Diablo 2, you choose which class you want to use at the start. One particular class that I chose was the Paladin.
A Paladin is a warrior of light and hope that uses the divine powers to bring judgement onto your enemies.
Now, all MMORPG players would have faced the same conundrum at one point of their MMORPG careers - What do I name my character???,
A character's name is essentially its identity and it also determines how "cool" your character is. Of course there are some exceptions that I saw. Like "smokeyMacPot" or some other weird strings that don't make sense. For me, choosing a name is extremely important as I don't want to introduce my character as some lame name.
During that time, I was in the church youth choir and I had faith or at least I felt I was growing in faith. So the 2 paladins I created had the name ArrayOfLight and ArrayOfHope. I felt that those two names meant a lot to me at that point of time. Not only because they sounded like "cool" paladin names to me, but they also symbolised to me the relationship I had with God.
Over time, things changed and by the grace of God, even despite not studying much, I managed to get into polytechnic. I was young, native, innocent and unmotivated then. However, due to not facing any trials or difficulty during the 6 months break;By the time I entered polytechnic, I had completely forgotten about God.
The next 3 years seem to whizz by really fast. As my life continued on, my faith dwindled and I am a Christian in name only. The fervour I had back when I created my 2 paladins was gone. Complacency has made me left God. Without any direction in my life after I graduated, perhaps the best thing that happened to me was NS.
Fast forward to a few weeks ago. I was working on a very important program for my company but got stuck on a particularly irritating problem. Even after spending a few days on it, there was still no progress. During that time, its so easy, so easy to fall into despair and to cry out, "Why are you not helping me God!?". When everyone has left the office, I stopped doing my work and started to pray and do my daily QT. Its then I started crying and when I realised that promises only matter when there are trials. I promised God that no matter what happens, I will not despair. I will be like Job - Accepting both the Good and the Bad in life.
That night, when I reached home, I knew there were things in my mind I had to let out. So I went for a run around the neighbourhood. It was during the run when I suddenly remembered about the names of the two Paladins I made in Diablo 2 - ArrayOfLight and ArrayOfHope. That was what I wanted to be. That was what I envisioned myself to be. But somehow, throughout my journey, I lost it. And somehow again, I found them. While it may not be as strong was I want it to be yet, I believe that through the trials I face, they will be tempered and become stronger.
The next few days was really productive. I fixed the problems and learnt many things in the process. As we put our faith in God, we also must remember that God will test us, so that we can become stronger both spiritually and mentally. Its so easy to fall into a trap of despair when you're all alone fighting and there is nobody around to help. However, if the Holy Spirit is within you, you're never alone right?
I am a programmer. I survived 3~ years of hell in Digipen. I think like a programmer. I am rational, logical and I like to analyze things, sometimes to the extend of overthinking. But...
Faith transcends Logic.
It is illogical to believe in something that you cannot see. It is illogical to believe that there is a divine being that is omnipotent, omniscience and omnipresent. It is illogical to believe that one man who was crucified can take the sins of the whole world away.
Therefore, my only conclusion as a programmer is that once again,
Faith transcends Logic.
It is faith that brought me back to God, not logic. It is faith that brought the 2 paladins that I've created around 15 years ago back to my life today. And it is faith that I am writing this now.
Now that I look back at my life, I realise that God has been with me throughout my life, regardless of whether I became a Sunday Christian or not. There are many stories about how God was with me that I have between NS and at the end of Digipen as well as my first full time job experience in Neeuro but I'll save that for another time.
Peace out, heheh
Isaac
A Paladin is a warrior of light and hope that uses the divine powers to bring judgement onto your enemies.
Now, all MMORPG players would have faced the same conundrum at one point of their MMORPG careers - What do I name my character???,
A character's name is essentially its identity and it also determines how "cool" your character is. Of course there are some exceptions that I saw. Like "smokeyMacPot" or some other weird strings that don't make sense. For me, choosing a name is extremely important as I don't want to introduce my character as some lame name.
During that time, I was in the church youth choir and I had faith or at least I felt I was growing in faith. So the 2 paladins I created had the name ArrayOfLight and ArrayOfHope. I felt that those two names meant a lot to me at that point of time. Not only because they sounded like "cool" paladin names to me, but they also symbolised to me the relationship I had with God.
Over time, things changed and by the grace of God, even despite not studying much, I managed to get into polytechnic. I was young, native, innocent and unmotivated then. However, due to not facing any trials or difficulty during the 6 months break;By the time I entered polytechnic, I had completely forgotten about God.
The next 3 years seem to whizz by really fast. As my life continued on, my faith dwindled and I am a Christian in name only. The fervour I had back when I created my 2 paladins was gone. Complacency has made me left God. Without any direction in my life after I graduated, perhaps the best thing that happened to me was NS.
Fast forward to a few weeks ago. I was working on a very important program for my company but got stuck on a particularly irritating problem. Even after spending a few days on it, there was still no progress. During that time, its so easy, so easy to fall into despair and to cry out, "Why are you not helping me God!?". When everyone has left the office, I stopped doing my work and started to pray and do my daily QT. Its then I started crying and when I realised that promises only matter when there are trials. I promised God that no matter what happens, I will not despair. I will be like Job - Accepting both the Good and the Bad in life.
That night, when I reached home, I knew there were things in my mind I had to let out. So I went for a run around the neighbourhood. It was during the run when I suddenly remembered about the names of the two Paladins I made in Diablo 2 - ArrayOfLight and ArrayOfHope. That was what I wanted to be. That was what I envisioned myself to be. But somehow, throughout my journey, I lost it. And somehow again, I found them. While it may not be as strong was I want it to be yet, I believe that through the trials I face, they will be tempered and become stronger.
The next few days was really productive. I fixed the problems and learnt many things in the process. As we put our faith in God, we also must remember that God will test us, so that we can become stronger both spiritually and mentally. Its so easy to fall into a trap of despair when you're all alone fighting and there is nobody around to help. However, if the Holy Spirit is within you, you're never alone right?
I am a programmer. I survived 3~ years of hell in Digipen. I think like a programmer. I am rational, logical and I like to analyze things, sometimes to the extend of overthinking. But...
Faith transcends Logic.
It is illogical to believe in something that you cannot see. It is illogical to believe that there is a divine being that is omnipotent, omniscience and omnipresent. It is illogical to believe that one man who was crucified can take the sins of the whole world away.
Therefore, my only conclusion as a programmer is that once again,
Faith transcends Logic.
It is faith that brought me back to God, not logic. It is faith that brought the 2 paladins that I've created around 15 years ago back to my life today. And it is faith that I am writing this now.
Now that I look back at my life, I realise that God has been with me throughout my life, regardless of whether I became a Sunday Christian or not. There are many stories about how God was with me that I have between NS and at the end of Digipen as well as my first full time job experience in Neeuro but I'll save that for another time.
Peace out, heheh
Isaac
posted by Restored at 2:24 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home